` me. just me *

081006

in the whiny mood again. ARGH. told kevin i'm going to study 10 hours a day this wkend! and i only managed to sit at my table for 7 hours yesterday. and more than half of it my mind was wandering elsewhere. only did N05 bio paper yesterday.

why. i really wish i could go back to 2004. sometimes ignorance is bliss. i really dont like crying and thinking so much. the crying part cannot really control but i'm trying not to think so much alr! the emptiness is quite unbearable sometimes. being lied to, betrayal of trust. argh. nvm. everything is pre-planned for me. and planB will work out fine. although i dont know what is planB/

it was quite freaky i suddenly had suicidal thoughts. the first and only time i previously had them was in p4 cause of streaming and TAF club and friendship problems. now thinking of it, i was just being a coward. studying in school helps me forget those problems. hanging out with close friends makes me really happy. just like the sec4 st nicks days.

anyway. i was pleasantly surprised with the sharing by the guys on friday. somehow i felt that i didnt take it as seriously as some of them did. if i could, i'll prob want to get to know them better. talked to xinqin as we waited for the bus, and i realised that all along for the past two years, i was having the wrong impression.

*sigh. work work work! okay. my entries are getting more and more vague. nvm. off to reply mail

it's my choice
<3

xxx
; SMILE